(Jun 19, 2008)
It started when Donson sent me a message in messenger. The tears that I tried so hard to control just flowed down in an instant. So much have been running through my mind lately. I wish we can just cry as and when we like without being looked at weirdly. It's a night that I need all the love, care and concern. Trying to be fine when I'm not is so much more difficult than I thought furthermore I've been spending so much time in school recently. I swear that day when I shouted at Izak it wasn't on purpose because everyone knows I dote on him a lot, I really do. And today I said the wrong things to Tomu when my mind was preoccupied by something else. And then seeing Jared so gloomy and sad and I can't do anything just makes me feel worse. And there is Carmen and Chrystal who are already so bothered by their problems yet they still spent time to listen to me. And then I finally decided to talk it out. I don't know where I garner all those courage from to talk for the second time about it and to say so much. I guess it's the right thing to do but my heart is still feeling so heavy and empty. It came to a point where I can't feel anymore. And now, I am still feeling so terrible for this who saga and I wonder why is it to difficult to just move on. I've seen so many people moving on easily and fast but why am I always the last in this case? It's funny how someone like me can be easily beaten in this situation. He said I'm a brave girl. I think I am since I said so much funny stuffs. Maybe one day when I look back at the conversation history, I will start laughing and wonder why the hell did I say all those stuffs and then I will hide under my blanket for a long, long time reminiscing. The one day will come, it definitely will but just, when? Time will heal, it will, right?