(Mar 3, 2008)
i am sorry, i am guilty. please be ok, please be alright.
thank you carmen.
thank you ester.
i am not ok. i will live in guilt for the rest of my life.
whenever i close and open my eyes, i hope that what happened yesterday and today was nothing but just a dream but i always got snapped back to reality.
please be ok, please be alright. you're a nice guy. i know. please be ok, please be alright. you're a nice guy and so you will be blessed. please be ok, please be alright. you're a nice guy and you'll be protected. please be ok, please be alright. you're a nice guy and therefore you will live a long and healthy life. please be safe, please wake up. please. i pray.
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i must be positive, must be hopeful as i believe he's a nice guy, a good guy.
SICU - surgical intensive care unit. i never heard of it before till today. i was leading the way. i was afraid to face the family of the nice guy. but i want to be ahead of pops. to help him face whatever it is coming towards him. the dread faces of nice guy's family. i felt that drenched feeling in them. and the worse thing happened, what i've predicted came true. nice guy's sisters talked to me. tears wield up in their eyes. that sadness within that same pair of hopeful eyes. i don't know who to turn to. i bite my teeth. i swallowed hard. i spoke to carmen and i bite my teeth again. i spoke to syafiq. i was worrying for my p2. i bite my teeth. nice guy's brother spoke to us. haa. bedok neighbors to reunion in a hospital. ironic. i bite my teeth again, swallowed doubly hard. i wiped my tears away. i bite my teeth again. i went home. i can no longer bite my teeth anymore. i broke down. i spoke to ester. i bite my teeth. i took deep breathe. and now, i just want to be positive. but it's not easy. i looked at my phone. martin, i just stared. joseph ang. please give me some strength. somehow, i miss sk suddenly for i always call her when i have family problems. how shameful. to think of someone only when in need of help. this is long. my eyes are tired. i need a rest. but how can i rest peacefully. i closed my eyes and i saw him being knocked down again.
don't ask me why, don't ask me what happened. i just need words of encouragement, consolation.
for once, i felt that the whole world is ganging up against me.
for once, i just want to be loved.
thank you carmen.
thank you ester.
i am not ok. i will live in guilt for the rest of my life.
whenever i close and open my eyes, i hope that what happened yesterday and today was nothing but just a dream but i always got snapped back to reality.
please be ok, please be alright. you're a nice guy. i know. please be ok, please be alright. you're a nice guy and so you will be blessed. please be ok, please be alright. you're a nice guy and you'll be protected. please be ok, please be alright. you're a nice guy and therefore you will live a long and healthy life. please be safe, please wake up. please. i pray.
-
i must be positive, must be hopeful as i believe he's a nice guy, a good guy.
SICU - surgical intensive care unit. i never heard of it before till today. i was leading the way. i was afraid to face the family of the nice guy. but i want to be ahead of pops. to help him face whatever it is coming towards him. the dread faces of nice guy's family. i felt that drenched feeling in them. and the worse thing happened, what i've predicted came true. nice guy's sisters talked to me. tears wield up in their eyes. that sadness within that same pair of hopeful eyes. i don't know who to turn to. i bite my teeth. i swallowed hard. i spoke to carmen and i bite my teeth again. i spoke to syafiq. i was worrying for my p2. i bite my teeth. nice guy's brother spoke to us. haa. bedok neighbors to reunion in a hospital. ironic. i bite my teeth again, swallowed doubly hard. i wiped my tears away. i bite my teeth again. i went home. i can no longer bite my teeth anymore. i broke down. i spoke to ester. i bite my teeth. i took deep breathe. and now, i just want to be positive. but it's not easy. i looked at my phone. martin, i just stared. joseph ang. please give me some strength. somehow, i miss sk suddenly for i always call her when i have family problems. how shameful. to think of someone only when in need of help. this is long. my eyes are tired. i need a rest. but how can i rest peacefully. i closed my eyes and i saw him being knocked down again.
don't ask me why, don't ask me what happened. i just need words of encouragement, consolation.
for once, i felt that the whole world is ganging up against me.
for once, i just want to be loved.