(Jul 23, 2007)
I felt very detached during the camp and was far away from my friends.
War, Yumi, Nick, Mark and all were together most of the time and being in the main committee and also the asst cc, I was most of the time, alone. And I hate being alone and see my friends slacking and laughing happily at one side.
I don't have a group to take meaning no sense of belonging.
I was shagged.
I think I moodswinged or was it because I was damn stone?
(moodswing = stoning?)
I think I need to brush up my presentation skills and english alr.
I need to be more confident with myself.
Lousy and unpredictable weather spoils my mood totally. Fuck the rain. FUCK. I felt damn lousy during the campfire although I thinks/feels that it was a great job for the campfire itself because the lighting part of the campfire was super nice. But, alot can be improved for the campfire. There's a chinese proverb which goes like this "If you dont have such a big head, don't wear such a big hat". Meaning, if you do not have the ability to do something, better don't do it. Yes. I think that proverb somehow hit me in the mind, body and soul. Yijie told me "you really need to exert your power of an assistant camp commandant. Because of something then you face black wont help." I just don't want to make things ugly that's why I kept quiet. I know myself. I know I WILL make things ugly. I know my temper. And I don't want people to think that I abuse my authority. And also because although I'm the Asst. CC, I still got a CC and although Caled and David are FAs, they are still above me, I still need to seek their approval for certain stuffs. But I kinda screwed things up.
I think Breastfriend was the only one who asked if I'm alright and knew that something wasn't right. And he let me bit his hand as well. I think I'm physcotic. I was kinda sad that even a friend who I just knew can sense that something wasn't right but the rest couldn't. Some didn't even bother to ask. =(
I don't think I did a good job. I actually think that I did quite a lousy job. Ok, not quite a lousy job but a very lousy job. I didn't potray myself as an assitant camp commandant which is quite unsatisfying. I think in the past I can do a better job.
So, changed ≠ very good.
I so wanted to find someone to talk to during the camp but I was too tired to talk to anyone and everyone was either too tired or are with THEIR friends and group. So I decided to keep quiet and stone. Stoning is good (although I still don't know does stoning means moodswing). Thank god for Matthew and Gab who went supper with me and they made me felt better.
On a side note, the camp was successfully carried out. Much and way better than last yr's.
I wanted to say alot of stuffs during 2nd night's debrief but I was afraid I would say the wrong words and might provoke anyone so I decided to keep mum. I wanted to say alot during last day's debrief but I was too emotional to talk.
I like how everyone was helping one another. I like how we cared for one another. I like how we talk things out.
I wanted to thank the main com and Matthew for their contribution but I didn't during the debrief but I didn't. The debrief went quite emotional and I dont wanna talk till I cry. I know the feeling and it sucks.
CPF-ed after camp. But alot left alr. We made them wait for dang long. The sub coms who waited for us were dang funny please. Played some games and we went seperate ways.
On a lighter note, Brother Jason came and updated me about his life. We caught up quite alot. Kinda miss talking to him and all. And he's going NS very soon. Like in August.
Ok. I will upload the photos when I got them. And my thumbD is with Hajar!
And Sheena got my Harry Potter for me alr! And alot read finish it alr! WHA LAO.
I'm brain dead currently and I think menses suck because it spoils my mood and made me post out emo posts and because I haven't been emo-ing for quite awhile, crying seems to be the best remedy. I like the tickling feeling when the tears rolled down my cheeks and touches my lips with a slight taste of saltishness and I like seeing my eyes all red. I told you I'm physcotic.
War, Yumi, Nick, Mark and all were together most of the time and being in the main committee and also the asst cc, I was most of the time, alone. And I hate being alone and see my friends slacking and laughing happily at one side.
I don't have a group to take meaning no sense of belonging.
I was shagged.
I think I moodswinged or was it because I was damn stone?
(moodswing = stoning?)
I think I need to brush up my presentation skills and english alr.
I need to be more confident with myself.
Lousy and unpredictable weather spoils my mood totally. Fuck the rain. FUCK. I felt damn lousy during the campfire although I thinks/feels that it was a great job for the campfire itself because the lighting part of the campfire was super nice. But, alot can be improved for the campfire. There's a chinese proverb which goes like this "If you dont have such a big head, don't wear such a big hat". Meaning, if you do not have the ability to do something, better don't do it. Yes. I think that proverb somehow hit me in the mind, body and soul. Yijie told me "you really need to exert your power of an assistant camp commandant. Because of something then you face black wont help." I just don't want to make things ugly that's why I kept quiet. I know myself. I know I WILL make things ugly. I know my temper. And I don't want people to think that I abuse my authority. And also because although I'm the Asst. CC, I still got a CC and although Caled and David are FAs, they are still above me, I still need to seek their approval for certain stuffs. But I kinda screwed things up.
I think Breastfriend was the only one who asked if I'm alright and knew that something wasn't right. And he let me bit his hand as well. I think I'm physcotic. I was kinda sad that even a friend who I just knew can sense that something wasn't right but the rest couldn't. Some didn't even bother to ask. =(
I don't think I did a good job. I actually think that I did quite a lousy job. Ok, not quite a lousy job but a very lousy job. I didn't potray myself as an assitant camp commandant which is quite unsatisfying. I think in the past I can do a better job.
So, changed ≠ very good.
I so wanted to find someone to talk to during the camp but I was too tired to talk to anyone and everyone was either too tired or are with THEIR friends and group. So I decided to keep quiet and stone. Stoning is good (although I still don't know does stoning means moodswing). Thank god for Matthew and Gab who went supper with me and they made me felt better.
On a side note, the camp was successfully carried out. Much and way better than last yr's.
I wanted to say alot of stuffs during 2nd night's debrief but I was afraid I would say the wrong words and might provoke anyone so I decided to keep mum. I wanted to say alot during last day's debrief but I was too emotional to talk.
I like how everyone was helping one another. I like how we cared for one another. I like how we talk things out.
I wanted to thank the main com and Matthew for their contribution but I didn't during the debrief but I didn't. The debrief went quite emotional and I dont wanna talk till I cry. I know the feeling and it sucks.
CPF-ed after camp. But alot left alr. We made them wait for dang long. The sub coms who waited for us were dang funny please. Played some games and we went seperate ways.
On a lighter note, Brother Jason came and updated me about his life. We caught up quite alot. Kinda miss talking to him and all. And he's going NS very soon. Like in August.
Ok. I will upload the photos when I got them. And my thumbD is with Hajar!
And Sheena got my Harry Potter for me alr! And alot read finish it alr! WHA LAO.
I'm brain dead currently and I think menses suck because it spoils my mood and made me post out emo posts and because I haven't been emo-ing for quite awhile, crying seems to be the best remedy. I like the tickling feeling when the tears rolled down my cheeks and touches my lips with a slight taste of saltishness and I like seeing my eyes all red. I told you I'm physcotic.